Ever feel like you’re just one petty annoyance away from becoming the crotchety old guy from your childhood neighborhood that used to yell “get off my lawn, you kids!” whenever you passed his house? Yeah, us too. That’s why we employ that guy to write this part of the blog. Enjoy! (Or, if not, get off our lawn, you kids!)
From time to time, I visit the kids who review books for Knockin’ Books. They’re young and stupid and on my lawn entirely too much, but as far as kids go, they’re OK. Whatever.
Anyhoo, these kids get book review requests from authors all day long, and they read and review as many books as they can, but they just can’t get to everyone. And because they’re generally pretty good kids (despite being on my lawn way too often), they usually refuse to review anything they’re fairly certain they wouldn’t like. Most authors accept this rejection gracefully. After all, rejection is a huge part of being an author. Not everyone will like your stuff, and that’s just something a pro will learn to handle. But other authors? Yeah, graceful apparently ain’t part of their vocabulary.
So, today, one of the kids shows me a message she got from an author whose book she’d declined to review. Instead of thanking her for her time or—better yet—saying nothing at all—this assclown decides to snap back at her with a snooty, “witty” comeback.
Now, let’s stop and think about this, Mr. Snooty Smarty Pants. You asked this book blogger to review your book for a reason. Maybe you liked the site? Maybe you liked their other book reviews? Maybe you thought that getting your work in front of their thousands of viewers per day would help you sell more books? Whatever.
The point is this: you were all pro-Knockin’ Books until they nuked your request. Now you’re a whiny little jerkwad because you didn’t get your way? Do you really think that’s wise? I mean, if I was the reviewer, I might be tempted to tell all my other blogger buddies about this author’s douche-y behavior and help ensure that he received rejections from EVERY blogger out there. Just sayin’.
But, lucky for this dude that I don’t review books. Yet. Who knows? Maybe the kids will let me read Mr. Snooty Smarty Pant’s book. I have a feeling I might like doing that review. The kids will probably just ignore this author’s douchebaggery. It’s not their style to be vindictive. They’re all like, “oh, you have to be sensitive to artists’ feelings. They’re just passionate about their work.” Pfffttt. Whatever. Sounds like hippie talk to me.
By the way, Mr. Snooty Smarty Pants? There was a glaring typo in your witty comeback. You’ll want to fix that next time you get rejected. You’re welcome.
Oh, and get off my lawn!