We’ve been incredibly, unbelievably good this year. (And if you’ve heard otherwise, surely you didn’t believe it, right? We’d never lie to you!) Given our unprecedented good behavior, we’re hoping you’ll find it in your heart to do us a solid and grant us a few minor, nearly insignificant gifts this year:
Oh, and don’t worry about leaving a lump of coal in the stocking of the guy who was so rude to us that one time. You know the one. Get Off My Lawn guy already took care of him.
Stephen King interview (in person)
One of the things we’re most thankful for here at Knockin’ Books is the number of outrageously talented authors who have been willing to give us a bit of their time for interviews. We’ve been lucky enough to get some of the biggest names in the biz including Kristen Ashley, Daniel Arenson, Louise Jensen, Christine Feehan, JA Konrath, Jasinda Wilder, Keith C Blackmore and Robyn Peterson to name just a few. Now we want to add the guy we refer to simply as “The Master”. To say we’re GINORMOUS fans would be like saying Amazon sells some stuff. Are we being a little greedy by asking to interview him in person? Absolutely. But hey, this is a “Wish List” so we figure we might as well shoot for the moon, right? Santa, if it helps, tell him he can even bring Molly aka The Thing of Evil. We’ll have whatever doggy treats she prefers.
Good query letters
For the most part, the folks who ask us to review their books are totally classy professionals who are polite and entertaining with their query letters. Their blurbs are in good shape, their solid writing mechanics evident by the lack of grammatical errors and typos in their messages. But more often than we’d like, we get not so great query letters that just make us...sad. Rambling blurbs, tons of obvious errors, requests that border on rude and curt...yeah, we get requests like that. Can you make those stop, Santa? Maybe putting a copy of How to Get Bloggers to Review Your Self-Pub Book on everyone’s Kindles would help?
Three new novels from Justin Cronin
We know what you’re thinking…”Wow, isn’t that asking a lot?” Maybe, but besides the whole “we can ask for anything because this is a wish list” argument, we have a specific theory for this one. The final installment of Cronin’s The Passage trilogy came out almost four years after the second installment. Let me repeat that...FOUR YEARS. Surely he didn’t spend that entire time writing a single book, right? We’re thinking he has at least two other books just sitting in a drawer, ready to go. To meet our challenge, all he has to do is come up with one additional book and we’re giving him till the end of 2017 because, in the end...we’re givers. Oh, did we mention we’d like one of those books to be co-authored by Stephen King? That’s not a problem, is it?
We’ve been seeing a lot of really bad book covers this year. For some reason, there’s bad photography, weird font choices and ugly Photoshop effects as far as the eye can see. Is there any way you could help convince folks that hiring a professional cover designer will help them sell more books, and that people really do judge books by their covers? Maybe you could make The Design Dudes’ blog posts required reading for all self-published authors.
Hugh Jackman, Kate Upton, Chris Hemsworth and Scarlett Johansson become romance book cover models
This seems like kind of a random request, doesn’t it? Well, if you’re thinking we selected these four particular celebrities because they’re on Jennifer and The Design Dude’s “hottest people in the world” lists and we’re just looking for an excuse to gawk at photos of them wearing next to nothing, well...that’s just crazy talk. Moving on…
More indie authors to become viral sensations
We all know about books like The Martian by Andy Weir and Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James that were originally self-published only to become international phenomenons. As big fans of self-published authors, we want to see more of them achieve similar success in 2017. We know there are plenty of outrageously good indie books out there. It’s just a matter of them catching fire through some unknown alchemy of social and traditional media. We plan to do our part here at Knockin’ Books and we’re hoping all you book lovers out there will do the same. Give a self-published book or two (or ten) a try next year. Maybe even gift a few to loved ones for Christmas. You never know, if enough of us get the ball rolling, we might not even need the big guy’s help with this one.
Professionally edited books
As you know, we probably read more self-published books than any other bloggers out there. And while we love self-published authors and will always support their efforts, we saw a disturbing lack of professional editing this year. Can you make sure every author who doesn’t believe in hiring—at the very least—a proofreader gets a lump of coal in their stocking (along with a business card for a reputable proofreader in their price range)?
A new YA series becomes as popular as Harry Potter
The Harry Potter series brought a love of reading to an entire generation of kids and adults for almost twenty years now. While it’s still very popular with fans in the millions worldwide, wouldn’t it be unbelievably fantastic if a new, modern series could capture the imaginations and inspire a lifelong love of reading for a new generation? How about it Santa? Let’s put books at the top of every kids’ Christmas list next year.
Book marketing simplified
Over the last 8-10 years self-publishing a book has gone from a pipe dream to a fairly common occurrence. Just about anyone who has the time and inclination can publish a book through Amazon and other online retailers with relative ease and very little expense. Unfortunately, getting anyone to read it has become increasingly difficult. There are lots of reasons: competition, cover design, editing, proofreading, complexity of social media platforms for marketing, convincing bloggers to review your book and on and on and on. Figuring out all of these challenges can be overwhelming.
What we need is a single book marketing portal that would provide authors with a comprehensive set of easy-to-use tools in one place. Yeah, we know there are plenty of companies out there who provide services like that but let’s face it. They’re kinda expensive. Most authors can’t afford to pay much. That’s where you come in Santa. There are already lots of smart people out there working at places like Amazon, Google and Apple. Maybe you could inspire them to use some of that brainpower to help out the self-publishing community. It should be incredibly powerful, dirt simple and since “free” is the only price most self-published authors can afford, let’s throw that on the list too. Pretty please?