Everyone knows how much we love reading here at Knockin' Books. But what you may not know is that we sometimes grudgingly put our books down and watch a little quality TV. (Note how we said quality. You’ll never catch us stooping to the level of reality TV)
With that in mind, here’s the weekly Westeros wrap-up, aka, a discussion of Game of Thrones, Episode 5 (The Door) between Scott (the Design Dude) and Jennifer (Editorial Staff).
Time to get this party started!
Design Dude: Let's start at the beginning. While it's nice to see Sansa isn't a completely naive little waif any longer, she still has a lot of maturing to do. I'm sure it felt fantastic to blow up Balish bridge, but given how much you and your half bro need some foot soldiers to help retake Winterfell, the destruction of that particular bridge seems to come at a steep price. Wouldn't it have been even better to use him like he used you, and then humiliate him somehow (or just have him killed for that matter)? Just wait till after your homecoming party to do it. S'all I'm sayin'.
Jennifer: Agreed. Loved the aw shit look on Balish’s face when Brienne walked in behind Sansa. Also, since I’m the queen of minutia, it bugged me that Sansa didn’t even thank the dude who brought her Peter’s raven message. How about some manners, Princess?
Design dude: True enough. Ironically, she had just apologized to Jon in the previous episode for essentially acting like a snooty princess when they were younger. Overall, I still give Sansa high marks for her transformation, even if it did take weeks of being physically, sexually and psychologically tortured by her new husband. She survived and now she's pissed. I'm guessing Balish had to change his shorts when he got back to camp. Side note: Why did they have to meet in some abandoned ruins? Why didn't Sansa just tell him to come to Castle Black?
Jennifer: I think Jon might have killed the little weasel for basically selling Sansa into slavery instead of bringing her to Castle Black to begin with. She’s a spoiled little princess, but she’s family. Just guessing, but I bet Ghost would HATE Balish.
Design dude: Good point. Brothers tend to get a bit protective of their sisters. That said, there's a long list of people who crossed Balish and ended up dead. Either use the prick, or kill him. Otherwise, you'll regret it. Moving on, watching "the girl" get her ass kicked every week is getting a bit tiresome. Hasn't she waxed on and waxed off enough yet? When are we going to see all that training pay off? I'm guessing everyone wants to see Smirky-Girl get what's coming to her, but I think the girl has learned her lesson and will have a different plan for payback.
Jennifer: When she jumped up off that mat like Bruce Lee, I really thought Smirky-Girl was about to taste some floor. But…nope, false alarm. Sigh. And on another note, why are all the penises we see on this show so disturbing? We never saw Khal Drogo’s penis. (And I was REALLY looking) Enough with the penises already.
Design dude: As someone who's been in his fair share of locker rooms over the years, I have to agree. That was one ugly penis. Pretty shocking how they cut right to a close up of it too. Also have to wonder about the conversation the young topless actress had with her agent about that part. Agent: "Good news, I got you a spot on Game of Thrones" Actress: "Seriously? That's fantastic. What's the part?" Agent: "Well, that's the bad news. You're only in a two scenes. You have very few lines and you're topless in both."
Jennifer: Yeah, I’m thinking she probably didn’t invite her parents over to watch with her and celebrate her role on Game of Thrones. But at least her breasts were real-looking, unlike some others we’ve seen (*cough*RedWitch*cough*). I kind of wanted to smack Arya for asking questions about the person she’s been assigned to kill. Really? Have you learned nothing? Do you WANT him to take your eyes again? You chose this life—now, just do what you’re told and maybe you’ll make it out of this with all your pieces and parts intact.
Design dude: Speaking of red witches, I was a little smitten with the new one who put the scare into Varys (serves him right for getting all hostile with her) Sure, she's scary as hell but she's got some kind weird crazy/sexy vibe going on too. Plus, I'm guessing she's not over 150 years old...TOPS. Noticed she's passing Dany the "Chosen One" torch Stannis dropped. How many titles does she have now? Mother of Dragons. Breaker of Chains. Khaleesi. Meesa. The Unburnt. She's the Westeros version of P-Diddy...or whatever the hell he's calling himself these days.
Jennifer: Yeah, she was cool. Dangerously close to a unibrow, but still really pretty in an exotic kind of way. And crazy scary. Anyone who scares Varys scares me. But I’m all for anyone who pushes Dany into taking her dragons to the big city to kick some ass and take back her throne. Richard Chamberlain (sorry, folks, Jorah) professing his love to Dany in front of Daario was ballsy. Awkward, but ballsy. Gotta admire that.
Design dude: I'm guessing Jorah understands that Daario is probably just Dany's boy toy. Speaking of hook ups, I noticed the red-headed wildling dude is still giving Brienne the goo-goo eyes. Unfortunately for him, Brienne made a face like a head cheerleader who just got asked to the prom by the math team captain. He's probably going to have to do something big to impress her that involves lots and lots of killing.
Jennifer: The giant ginger dude (who I’ve recently learned is named Tormund) giving Brienne moon-eyes was maybe my favorite part of the whole episode. I think she should offer to fight him for it. If he can beat her fair and square, she’ll give him a chance. That’s one relationship I’ll be keeping an eye on. I don’t know about you, but I thought Theon’s speech on his sister’s behalf was surprisingly good, until Uncle Greyjoy showed up to wreck everything. And by the way, did it seem to you like the iron-born people just kind of agreed with whoever was speaking at the moment? What a bunch of lemmings!
Design dude: Tormund and Brienne would be a formidable couple. Have to think their kids would be some ass kickers, too. As for the iron-born party, Theon did a nice job of standing up for his sister. Unfortunately, it seems the only thing Uncle Greyjoy had to do was throw out "no cock" jokes at Theon's expense and he had the crowd eating out of his hand. Also, if Yara and Theon had enough people loyal to them to sail off with the whole iron-born fleet, where were all of them when the vote was going down? If that group was enough to steal an entire armada, wouldn't they have been big enough to sway the vote?
Jennifer: You would think. I’m calling bullshit on the whole drowning, thing, too. I’m pretty sure that if you drown a guy, drag him to shore and do nothing, he’ll die-- not rally and come back on his own. And let’s say Uncle Greyjoy did drown and die. Would everyone just say “oopsie” and offer the crown to Yara by default? (Super shitty crown, by the way) I did think Uncle Greyjoy’s plan to join forces with Dany was kind of ingenious. Dany would have that dude’s balls for lunch, but it was a good thought nonetheless. Again, anyone who brings Dany to the iron throne is A-okay with me.
Design dude: Gotta hit on the whole Bran thing. Kid kinda crapped the bed by sneaking off to the winter wonderland without ole three-eye tagging along. Speaking of which, for a wise old dude, he wasn't exactly full of great advice was he? Bran: "Am I ready to become you?" Three-eye: "No". Gee, that's helpful. Also have to pour one out for poor Hodor. Talk about a tragic, wrong-place-wrong-time scenario. Although in addition to solving the mystery of Hodor, that scene also served to demonstrate Bran's special time-traveling powers as he magically infused young Willie with a single future task to "hold the door". Makes it a little more clear why the white walkers want the kid dead. If he can travel back in time, he can go back and make sure they never exist. It's self-preservation.
Jennifer: My thought while watching that scene was “No, not another wolf!” Of course, that was quickly followed up by, “No, not Hodor!” Regardless, I’m still trying to process my feels over that one. Not sure I can ever hold the door for anyone ever again (sniffle). Haven’t been that upset since the Red Wedding. I’m just saying right now, if anything happens to Ghost, I’m starting a very nasty letter writing campaign to HBO. Save the dire wolves!!! And I’m pissed at Bran. Yeah, yeah, he’s the new powerful three-eyed raven who can time-travel. Whatever. He still got Summer and Hodor killed, and for that, I wouldn’t be upset if the White Walker King ganked him. (Had to throw in some of my Dean Winchester vocabulary on that one) Looks like next week’s a Sam and Gilly episode. Yawn.
Design dude: That scene also serves as a reminder that all the plotting and scheming among the aristocrats in Westeros and the psychopaths in Winterfell really don't matter when the white walker horde is marching to kill everyone. At this point, I think Bran, Dany and Jon (or some combination of them) are the keys to the future. Not excited about the return of Sam and Gilly (glass half empty) but it does look like we're going to get the long awaited showdown between High Sparrow and Cersei (glass half full). A pissed off Cersei? Yes, please!!
Jennifer: Damn straight. I’ve been waiting to see “I choose violence” Cersei all season. Bring it on!!
What about all you GoT fanatics out there? Have any thoughts or theories to contribute? We’d love to hear from you! Leave a note in the Comments section below or drop us a line.